


Emet-Selch's Secret Stash

by LiathSpeir



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Cute, Emet bakes, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Oneshot, Oops, Sass and Snark, Sorry Not Sorry, WOL discovers a secret, a time was had by all, alisaie makes a brief appearance, sometimes doors should stay closed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23403202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiathSpeir/pseuds/LiathSpeir
Summary: Emet-Selch has before made mention to his beloved  WOL that he has clones for when his current body bites the dust. The man doesn't like change, after all. But where does he keep them?
Relationships: Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 25





	Emet-Selch's Secret Stash

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get the thought of my head about him keeping tons of Emet-Selchs hidden away somewhere and then I got to thinking about that one Friends episode with Monica's closet. Thanks to that combined with a lot of caffeine and sleep deprivation, this idea was born. I mean, how does one really know to react making this kind of discovery? lmao
> 
> (P.S. This is a branch off of my current fic Unmasked featuring my OC WOL.
> 
> P. P. S. If you want to join a totally awesome group of Emet-Enablers, check out this Discord server: https://discord.gg/B9HnsSn)

The Warrior of Darkness currently found herself in the middle of an unplanned vacation. When was the last time she’d actually had any time off? She honestly couldn’t remember if she even had. The concept was so foreign to her, but with the First currently being quiet, there wasn’t much to be done other than take a breather. It was true and utter _bliss_. 

…Oh, who was she kidding? She absolutely hated it. Hated every single moment and she made sure everyone around her knew it. She was not the kind to simply sit idly by and twiddle her thumbs waiting for something to happen. She’d always fought tooth and nail any time someone told her she needed to rest so this was no different. 

No, that was not quite true. This was even worse. Nothing was happening! She never wanted anyone to be suffering, of course, but it seemed when danger lurked around the corner, she actually had something to do. 

Now all she could manage was pacing around her quarters while Emet-Selch watched her in obvious annoyance. 

“Yes, by all means, continue pacing. I would love to have a hole in the middle of our bedroom floor. I hear that is all the rage in decorating these days,” he commented, flipping a page in his book soon after. 

She shot him a look. “Maybe if I keep going I’ll find myself somewhere that actually needs my help,” she grumbled, finally stopping her pacing. She collapsed into an arm chair across from him now, huffing to show her displeasure before she crossed her arms. 

He looked up again, amused. “Do try and act somewhat your age, dear heart. I am not in the position to babysit.” 

She threw a decorative pillow at him. 

“Testy today, are we?” he asked, finally closing the book to set it aside as he clearly wasn’t going to be finishing that right now. 

“Alright, perhaps a pep talk, then.” He cleared his throat as if preparing to deliver a soliloquy and placed a hand to his chest. 

“This will all be over soon. It is but a moment of brief pause in a longer lifetime of adventure and heroic duties. Sometimes, even the best need to take time to rest.” 

She reached for another pillow to throw but couldn’t find one and instead grabbed hold of a chronometer resting on the stand beside her. That would do just as well. 

Emet-Selch stood quickly, striding toward her to carefully pluck the heavy object out of her hands before she could wield it as a weapon. “I must admit I have never seen you quite like this before,” he said, shaking his head before he pulled her to her feet. “I merely jest.” 

She sighed, loosening her clenched hands. “…I know. It just kills me to not do anything. Every hour of every day of my life is usually dedicated to something. Sitting around drives me raving mad.” 

He cupped her cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to her nose before he pulled away. “Mmm, then perhaps we should find something more to do than sitting around?” he offered. In reality, he would much prefer the sitting around doing nothing compared to doing something. But alas, when one’s beloved hero was suffering a sacrifice had to be made. 

“What, then?” she asked, still not seeming on board with the concept herself. 

He considered this a moment before nodding. “What if I were to return to the Crystarium and retrieve some ingredients? We could…” Oh, Zodiark help him. “Finally try baking those scones together.”  
The entire act of baking and dirtying a kitchen with flour was an unappealing thought. He’d put up protest after protest about the idea of ‘couple baking’, some strange idea she’d gotten from someone in the marketplace. She’d even come home begging to try it but he’d been less than keen. 

Curse them for putting such thoughts into his Warrior’s head. Why could they not have suggested another way of bonding? Perhaps something more like using cherries and cream in another way that involved less clothing. 

“Really?!” she asked, eyes wide with a grin. “Yes! Oh, yes, please!” Again, words he wished to hear in another capacity but this was not the time nor the place.  
“Then I suppose I shall play fetch for you,” he said, nose twisting at the thought. 

She was quick to close the distance between them now, arms wrapping around his neck as her lips met his. “Thank you, Hades,” she said softly, using the name they only used in private as it had become more of an intimate thing. 

He managed a slight smile now, feigning a sigh of annoyance even though she knew hearing that name made him happy. “Yes, yes, whatever. Consider this a favor that will need to be repaid.”  
She rolled her eyes again before placing a kiss to his lips once more. “I shall get all the pans and ready the kitchen!” she said excitedly, clapping her hands together before she moved toward the door.  
He watched her go before giving a shake of his head, snapping his fingers to open a portal before he stepped through it. 

\--

Emet-Selch was off on his journey to the Crystarium markets which left the Warrior of Light to her own devices. As promised, she was getting the kitchen set up for their impending culinary excursion. She was still getting used to where everything was here, given they were staying at Emet’s home he’d created within the phantom city of Amaurot. 

Really, it had seemed like the best decision given the others were not quite ready and willing to accept him into their fold. 

It had taken some getting used to, though, that was for sure. She had spent a lot of time with others before but had never actually lived with someone – especially not someone that she loved whole-heartedly and had every intention of staying with until the end of days. How strange her life had become. 

What was even stranger was some of the behavior she experienced from him. Of course, she’d known that they both had quirks they’d need to get used to while living together and she assumed that all of his were perfectly normal. 

That is, until she’d mentioned his weird closet to Alisaie one day…

_“What do you mean he has a closet that he won’t let you into?” she’d asked, quite bewildered and more than a little concerned._

_“There’s just this closet that he said not to touch and I mean, it is his space originally so I figured I would just respect that. After all, it is pretty normal to have things you do not want others seeing. A closet is no different, right?”_

_Alisaie looked at her as though she’d grown a second head. “…No. No, Rosalind, a forbidden closet is not what I’d consider “normal”. Especially not when you are sharing your space with someone you consider close to you and especially not when that person is an Ascian. What if he’s keeping dead bodies in there?!”_

_She shot the Elezen a look, warning her to be mindful of how she spoke. They were well aware of his nature, it was not something they needed to continuously bring up. Not when things were changing for the better._

_“Regardless,” Alisaie went on. “I would be wary about a closet that he is telling you to stay out of completely. You never know what secrets it might hold.”_

…The closet stood at the end of the hall, just off the side of the kitchen. It seemed perfectly ordinary. 

Every time she brought a supply into the kitchen she would walk by the door and each time she felt it calling to her more and more. 

Before she knew it, her feet had brought her to stop directly before it. 

“I mean, he’s not here…” she said, rubbing her arm in thought. “No. No, this would be a horrible invasion of privacy.” 

She paused. “But then again, I’ve done nothing but respect his and gods know he’s certainly not respected mine at times. All those spying trips he made…” 

She went back and forth with herself about this for quite a while before she realized the longer she debated, the less time she’d have to explore. 

“Well, you only experience this life once,” she said, rolling her shoulders before she turned the doorknob. 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t locked and she was able to step through almost immediately. As she did so, however, the familiar feeling of walking through a dark aether portal took hold of her. She felt a little dizzy and nauseous for the briefest of moments but recovered soon after. 

“It’s so dark,” she said, lifting her hand to do a very small spell that would help illuminate the room. “And so big? Okay, this is definitely not part of the house, that’s for sure. What is this place?” 

After a moment she managed to find a switch and once she hit it, lights on the walls began to light up straight down to the other side of the room, one by one. She blinked a few times. “That’s ominous.” 

It took her eyes a few seconds to focus to the brighter light but once they did, her jaw dropped at what she saw before her. 

“Oh… My… Gods…” 

Lined along the wall were the familiar Garlean test tubes she’d had the absolute displeasure of encountering a few times before. Only this time, the contents were not what she was expecting to see.  
Every single last one of them appeared to be holding an Emet-Selch replica in stasis. It was impossible to miss with that telltale streak of white hair and curved brows she’d come to know so well. 

“It’s a closet of bodies!” 

A clearing of a throat could be heard from beside her and she quickly turned, finding the original Ascian standing there with crossed arms. “Clones,” he corrected her, brow quirked.  
She immediately looked guilty but that thought went away as she turned to look at the room then back to him. “Clones,” she repeated. “You… Have a closet of clones… Of yourself?” 

He tilted his head. “Need I remind you? I have mentioned this before.” 

She paused. “Yes, I suppose, but I really did not think you meant it so literally.” 

He gave her an incredulous look. “I do believe you once said I am honest to a fault, yes? Why would this be any different?” 

She opened her mouth to protest but quickly closed it, turning to look back into the room again. “A closet of clones, Emet!” she said now, throwing her hands up into the air. “I mean, who- Who just keeps bodies on hand like this?! How did you even- Where did-?!” 

He looked at her in confusion, as if this were a completely normal everyday occurrence. “I told you before. I much prefer my own body and so, when this one decides it is done, I have others on hand to switch into. It is no different than finding a change of clothes.” 

She placed her hands together then pressed the tips of her fingers to her mouth, unsure how to even respond to that. “…Right. Yes, of course, how could I be so silly? Everyone has a spare body laying around to change into.” 

He nodded. “There you are, now you are seeing reason.” 

She shot him a look. 

“Oh, forgive me. Sarcasm. You would think I’d do a better job of recognizing that in others.” 

She took in a deep breath now, running a hand through her hair as she tried to process through this. 

After a long bout of silence and Emet growing concerned about whether or not she was alright, the sound of her laughter began echoing through the chamber. 

“Alright, now I am truly concerned for your mental wellbeing. Is this truly what’s broken you?” he asked. 

She shook her head, bending over as she laughed even harder. “Alisaie was right, but this is definitely not what she’d had in mind,” she said. Now he looked offended at her laughter.  
“I beg your pardon?” 

She shook her head again and reached up to wrap her arms around him. “When you told me to avoid the door, I made mention of it and she told me to be worried, that you might have bodies hidden. This certainly is a far cry better than it could have ever been. I did not doubt you for a moment, mind you, but my curious nature got the better of me.” 

She shook her head with a laugh. “But no, it’s just back up clones.” 

He was a bit flustered now. “I will have you know that preparation is very important and it would serve you well to follow similar principles,” he began, growing defensive. “You never know what may happen and– Why do you still laugh?” 

She couldn’t help it, the giggles escaping more and more as she lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes. She didn’t answer and instead pulled him down for a kiss, something he didn’t protest to. 

“I love you,” she said with a grin.

He quirked a brow. “I fail to see the connection to that and this situation,” he said. 

“I love you… And I love us. Nothing about our life is normal and this just serves to strengthen that. I love the surprises.” 

He relaxed a little now and managed a smirk, finger twirling around a strand of her hair. “I suppose I could agree to that,” he said. “But perhaps we should leave this place and return to the kitchen? I did not venture into a sea of mortals to simply let the ingredients sit and rot.” 

She nodded and reached over to hit the switch, the light going off over the many Emets resting behind them. They both stepped through the portal shortly after. 

“Maybe we should make gingerbread men instead,” she teased, a smirk playing on her lips. 

“This will not be the last time I hear of this, will it?” he asked with a knowing sigh. 

“Of course not. I’m committing this to memory for all time. The day that I found Emet’s secret stash.” 

He merely rolled his eyes and shoved a cookbook into her arms. “Yes, yes, very funny. Now teach me how to make these scones before I fully realize the error of my decisions.” 

Oh, she couldn’t wait until the Scions heard about this one.


End file.
